One after another

Perkara pertama aku buat lepas dapat tahu pasal Zak; save nombor dia balik. I don't know why, but I did. Then I told Jie, she suggested that I tried contacting him back. Ask him how he's doing as a friend. But I said I wont do it. I wont start it first. My reason is simple, why should I start it first when I was the one who's been asking to be forgiven? Two times to be exact. So I just told her that I would contact him when it's his birthday.


Enough of that 'contact him on his birthday' crap, 'cause suddenly I've been rethinking about it over and over again. Shit. Even Jie felt weird. I said I've decided to contact him on that particular day, and suddenly I don't know if I want to contact him or not. Bless me. My anxiety made me told Mal about my so-called love story. I want a confirmation, if I were try to contact him back, will he answer me? Mal said that "If he was serious about you then he will answer you.". Oh great now I have this thought that says "If he doesn't answers me then it was all a lie". Shit.


After that I've been having a lot of questions in my head. They kept on popping out. Questions like "Is it really okay?" or "Am I really going to do this?" or even " What if he pissed of again?". That, was only the first stage of giving-out-question session. Later, questions like "What is it that I want?" or "Kalau aku contact dia balik pun aku nak buat apa?" or  "What kind of boon will I get if I contact you?" popping out of my head. Now, for the last stage "What am I afraid of?", the only question that popped out of my mind this time.


If all of these question keep on popping out, what is my resolve?